Smooth Riding

In 2007 my yearly mammogram came out not good. They took another and later I received a call from my doctor.

He was short and assertive. “Here is the name of the surgeon, I send you to. He will tell you what to do”. He also said “Do not worry yet, 80% of the cases usually are not cancer”. 

For some reasons his last phrase caught my particular attention: “Let us go through this as smoothly as possible”. That naturally resonated with my intentions: to go through the ordeal as smoothly and dignified as I only could.

Well, first of all, there is no such thing as 80% assurance.

You can cheer yourself up for a moment, but your next thought will be “What if I fall in the other statistic category?” You start preparing yourself for the worst-case scenario. You are not anymore the person you’ve been before the call. Now you are in a different world, the paranoid world, where everything bad can happen and nothing makes sense.

Of course, I made a research.

The information coming my way was not too encouraging. The articles I read day after day suggested becoming educated on cancer risks. And according to risk criteria I was doomed: a petite Caucasian of unfortunate ethnic and age group, late to menopause (very bad!), who’s mother died of different (does not matter!) cancer.

Something like this

I was desperately searching for approval of my comparatively healthy lifestyle. I thought it might compensate somehow for my hopeless statistic profile. On this subject the sources in 2007 were unanimous: according to multiple scientific studies, lifestyle efforts did not count.

“There is no evidence” they said.

By the way, only two years later, relevant reports started sounding totally different. Here is a quote from the article Smarter Living Could Cut World's Cancer Cases, Report Says February 27, 2009 (Health Day News):

A simpler diet, more exercise and better weight control could prevent more than 40 percent of breast and bowel cancers in developed countries, a World Cancer Research Fund report released Wednesday says.

According to the report, almost a third of the 12 most common cancers in the United States, including throat and lung cancers, could be prevented by adopting lifestyle changes. It estimated that 45 percent of colon cancer cases and 38 percent of breast cancer cases were preventable by adopting the small changes.

http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/smarter-living-could-cut-worlds-cancer-cases-report-says.html?nlcid=ca|03-09-2009|

Back then this information was not available to me, so I had to make conclusions myself. This is what I came to:

§         Lifestyle is the major factor deviated simultaneously with increasing statistics on debilitating diseases

§         It is also the ONLY THING I can control

Therefore I decided not to believe that it did not count.

This decision was important because as soon as I came to the surgeon’s appointment, I found myself sucked up by a powerful medical machine. It felt pretty much like moving through a tube: as soon as you are there, your traveling skills are not really important - no matter what you do, eventually you reach the opposite end.

I was first sent to the needle biopsy, then, due to inconclusive results, – to the more invasive core biopsy. Then I was told I did not have cancer. Not that time.

All these events took a while. Each phase of the process required a week or two, with major holidays and personal vocations interfering. In all it turned into months of limbo.

Spring glided into summer; between biopsies I tried to do my usual things, go to the pool, dance etc. Unfortunately, these were mere mechanical simulations of once meaningful activities. Related joy was gone.

It looked like nobody’s fault, just the way things were. I was hoping that my feelings would somehow be taken into consideration by all these impeccably professional people around me. Feelings, however, were never discussed. 

At times I wondered, what if I had not agreed to all these procedures and countless X-rays. It felt like fear already shortened my life by a year or two. This very unscientific point of view I dared not to express to any member of the medical profession.

Eventually, though, I came across the following information:

Waiting is the Hardest Part in Biopsies

Women who are waiting for results after a breast biopsy experience abnormalities in the levels of a stress hormone known as cortisol, a fact that might not only be damaging to overall health but might compromise future treatment if, in fact, the results come back positive.

The findings, appearing in the March issue of Radiology, argue for faster relaying of results to patients.

For a long time, there has been the recognition that women should find out sooner what they have, but there was just not much effort put into it," said Dr. Elvira V. Lang, an associate professor of radiology at Harvard Medical School in Boston and an author of the study. "When women just say they're stressed, there's a tendency to put it aside as psychological. But once you can show there can be adverse effects on the immune system and on what the next steps are, particularly in women who may be diagnosed and women who have future interactions with the health-care system, then this gets a completely different light on it.

http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/waiting-hardest-part-in-biopsies.html?nlcid=br|03-03-2009|

It made me realize that general perception of our bodies by medical science still gravitates toward quite simplistic mechanistic models. It also confirmed my gut feeling that stress was much more powerful and damaging than it was customary to admit.

Luckily, this is visibly changing nowadays and we might live to see patient’s emotions evaluated in the doctor’s office along with blood or urine tests.

Following my doctor’s advice on going through this as smoothly as possible, I figured out some tricks that helped me along the way. I hope they are worth sharing.

Cozy space:

In challenging times I stick to a habit of creating cozy and peaceful environment around me. For example, I prefer not to skip my usual housekeeping chores even if in pain. Anyway, you can not rest much when it hurts, so why not have something done?

On a day of a major procedure I like to get up as early as needed to sweep the floors, feed our cats and tidy-up everything.

This way, when I return from hospital with my head still spinning from anesthesia, my neat bedroom will give me an extra hug.

No medications around:

Another trick of mine, a slightly crazy one: I hate keeping medications on my bed table - they always create havoc and hospital-like atmosphere in the room. I rather crawl to the bathroom and do whatever is necessary behind closed doors, then crawl back to my bed, to my lamp shade and gift edition of Jane Austen’s novels at my side. 

Keeping it cool:

In bad times I also like to limit bothering my husband to a minimum. The underlying logic here is the following: God knows how many favors I might need from him, if things go worse. So, I’d rather not tire him with requests and emotions now, while I still can. 

In good times, I assure you, I am as demanding and self-indulgent as any other good man’s wife.   

Three-days rule:

I also made one mini-discovery. I call it the three-day rule: no matter how bad the news is, in three days you find yourself less upset. How does it work I do not know. Logic does not apply here: all the facts are the same, you are the same, but emotional pain somehow subdues.

So, when it strikes, I whisper to myself “I need to wait, just to wait two days more…”

And as I mentioned before, we have two major stress busters.